Dating unavailable men
She convinces herself that he will change and scares herself into the submission of believing that if she lets him go, he’ll combust into the man of her dreams with another, “better” girl.
If you have a dad who is present, celebrate him today and if you don’t have a dad, father yourself by making the promise that you’re not going to be at the end of your life years from now saying “I see it all so clearly now and I can’t go back in time. ”You’re never going to be at the end of your life one day, wishing that you got hurt and devalued more.
“How do they know exactly how to get under my skin and push my buttons?
” I asked him.“It’s not who pushes your buttons, it’s who programmed you,” he replied.
And it never ceases to amaze me how quickly they regress back to their younger, eager, validation-seeking selves when Dad sends them a simple text after skating in and out of their lives (either emotionally, physically or both) for years and years. If your Dad had a hard time expressing his emotions, accepting you or making you feel beautiful/cool/accepted/capable enough, he was most likely emotionally unavailable and unhappy with himself and his life at the time. There comes a point though when we need to realize that if a pattern exists, it’s not Dad or our boyfriend hurting us, it’s us to retraumatize ourselves because that’s all we know.
No one had the perfect parent and no one will be the perfect parent. We don’t know what availability or connectivity looks/feels like and even though we may claim to want it more than anything, we’re much more comfortable in an environment of claiming to want it while being the victim of its absence.
You stop negative patterns right in their tracks because you immediately know better.You could, like me, have a father who didn’t always express his emotions or you could have a father that you had to “work” to impress or notice you.I am lucky enough to coach some of the most successful, well-known, and powerful people on this planet. But whether or not I get it doesn’t make nearly as much of a difference as having my own approval.As I got older, this led to me going after guys who were not only emotionally and physically fleeting but were also emotionally disconnected, empathetically bankrupt, and narcissistic.
I had become emotionally unavailable myself and I still battle my reverse narcissism to this day.My consistent pattern of being involved with emotionally unavailable and narcissistic men came from patterns that were ingrained as a child.